Summary: personal, escalation of problems until late June96 lithium
boost, mostly fine since.
end of May96 descent into the cremation ground (Hindu ref)
On the last day of May96, the day before full moon, I was feeling a bit wobbly and slightly paranoid of family members' intentions so I walked downtown in pouring rain to arrive sodden at the Ship Inn. There I demanded a pint of Killick (a local acoustic palindrome ale which should appeal to French and Japanese too) which bartender Alana delivered, though I doubt she would have given me much more. While there I babbled a bit of nonsense towards Clem Curtis (a rocker in the excellent bands Happy Girlfriend and Panting Bros. Band) who I thought was a centuries old evil Loki-type character. I then walked out and allowed the wind and rain to carry me home, swaying from side to side like a sea creature. At the intersection of George and Water Streets I yelled out "KALI YUGA" very loudly (for me).
That night I had what I called an "elos" experience (is that a real word?) of being in a limbo/purgatory mode, unable to detect my own pulse (scary). There was an odd cone-shaped knob in my base chakra which I was unable to get around, unable to get it to release. There was a sensation of zipping up and down my spine, and when I closed my eyes a swishing of images left and right, making me unable to sleep. Then for comfort I went down and put on a Sarah McLachlan CD but unluckily chose the first track, Possession, and her voice was as if from a distance, and cold, much more than even that track usually is, intentionally. After that I took some haloperidol, was fine the next day, and Sarah's voice sounded warm again. After recent reading I can term this experience one interpretation of the Hindu cremation ground of solar cycle low year, upon which Kali dances on Siva, the ashes out of which new fire/creatvity rises.
In early June I was paranoid of some family members, but not as much of my sister Anne, but thought her a bit under their sway. As she was going out one day I got her to remove my glasses and look me in the eye, hoping to break the supposed spell. But as I did so, her eyes merged into one eye, like the eye of Isis, at the third eye chakra; as if to say "don't mess with me, I have protection."
Then in the waxing moon of June everything came to a head. I was off by myself at the family home in Lakeview, and went out and gave a loud speech from top of the hill, then on the way down felt my feet warming, not as strong as the Orca hot foot but there. Not long after that I was verbally uncooperative with family, broke a phone, and was carted by police to the hospital where my lithium level was adjusted up to 0.8, and I was released after two weeks. I also resolved to avoid alcohol, avoid caffeine if wobbly and avoid sleep deprivation. But for a while after that I moped too much, praying to Gaia, Sola and Cosma (this was before I decided to consider Artemis separate from Gaia and also the transcendent LOVE as well, for five) and even _trying_ psychic communication with cetaceans and some humans. After many hours of this and no sleep in the waxing moon of July I had one day of problems with the paranoia resuming, took 4 mg haloperidol, and slept it off.
An aside: Just before I went into the hospital in late June I had begun Maori/New Zealand writer Keri Hulme's book The Bone People. While in hospital I abandoned it due to the high levels of medication and now (1997) have it on a huge stack of books to read. But from the first 50 pages I recommend it.
Later I spread the 1200 mg of lithium over the day for a 0.6 level, and resumed running and yoga. Recently (97), just since my metabolism seems to have sped up, I went to 1500 mg/day for a 0.7 level. (Spreading it out reduces weight gain and morning side effects, and you can have a level that is up to 25% lower than if all is taken at bedtime.) Since late June96 (and the one day in July) I have had virtually no problems, just some insomnia post-new-moon Feb.8,9/97, before the 1500mg started. All is well, I was stupid to try going off my lithium last year. (In mid-July 1997 I went up to 1800 mg/day which is where I was from Sept91 to July95 and I have been there ever since July 1997, it is now May 2001.)
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