Dec. 18, 2010: These days I am no longer an atheist but have eleven main deities and some minor deities including some species someones.
I remain on olanzapine and lithium and have no plans to come off either.
Olanzapine-related weight gain has levelled off. My current weight is 198 lb so not too bad for 6' 1" and 46 years old but a good bit is on my belly and I would like to lose 20 lb and convert 10 lb to muscle.
My orgasms have been mostly null ones but I no longer blame olanzapine. Last night I had a factor 1 orgasm, or minimum acceptable, so perhaps it is returning. The null orgasm has lasted about a year so far I think.
Lately I've been trying to get four collaborative components judged by my main deities and activated (what is passed) by them. The four components are barebones, popthrough, funnel and repeats. However on the night of Dec. 5 I resolved to give this a rest for a month though I might be tempted to try something leading up to early Dec. 21 full moon lunar eclipse solstice.
I think in The Tain there is a bit about the dreams of the women of Erin, and my recent attempt to get repeats activated of the prayers, magickal workings, wishes and pure willings of a bunch of others may be related to that. The bunch of others are the nine plus category-5. My top four women are in the nine along with four other women and Ban Ki-moon. Category-5 are women who tie for the fifth spot, mostly factor 10 orgasms. But I no longer think I am available only to the top four and category-5.
May 4, 2011: My mental health including sleep, mood, energy and delusion level have been good in the last few months. I have still been spending an average of an hour a day trying to get my four components, which I will describe on here at my next edit but not tonight, judged by my eleven main deities and then activated by them and others, and on related Usenet newsgroup posts. I am currently divining by base chakra area muscle click divination that the four post-judged collaborative components are on but I won't believe that without evidence.
I'm still suffering from null masturbation orgasm and have for at least a year other than one factor 4 orgasm last July. I'm hoping the orgasm will return when I get together with a partner
June 12, 2011: recently I had a factor six orgasm when I wished that the orgasm contribute to the activation of the four components (so it was an act of sex magick). However this remains an isolated orgasm and since then I have again experienced null orgasms.
I said above that I would describe the four components in this next edit but I won't bother until they come on if ever. I am currently divining that the four components were judged by my eleven main deities and that the funnel component and repeats component have been activated and the popthrough component is being activated and then hopefully the barebones component will be activated. But if this activation sequence turns out to be another fake one I will give up on the four components and may give up on perineum click divination. Also I have already given up on funneling since the funnel component has been activated (and even if that is not true I think there would be no more use in funneling). But if I give up on my attempt to bring about an Opening of the Way through magickal workings I will have to instead devote more time to improving my writing and some more time to library and web research into past figures.
I have removed pastposts.html from this web page, mainly because my Usenet newsgroup posts are often experimental and short term. What lasts of my newsgroup posts will make it on to this web page eventually. But it is true that my being eccentric on newsgroup posts is a vent that helps keep me less eccentric offline, a vent that I didn't have for most of 1996, my worst year.
July 14, 2011: last night I had a factor 5 orgasm which, unlike the June 12 one mentioned above, did not involve any wish on my orgasm (sex magick). Then tonight I had a factor 10 orgasm, and this marks the first time in a year and a half that I have had two orgasms in a row (the one of last July and the one of June 12 were isolated ones surrounded by null orgasms). So I hope that my orgasm has returned for good this time. Note that I have not made any adjustments in my medication, I remain on 10 mg olanzapine and 1200 mg lithium carbonate daily.
I have decided to put a description of the four components (my magickal attempt, invoking my eleven main deities, to cause an Opening of the Way) on the new subpage the four components. If you like any of that material feel free to do a magickal working (willing/push) or prayer (to whoever you normally pray to) supporting the material that you like. Supposedly the four components have been judged by my eleven main deities and they are slowly implementing what passed judgement. But if this turns out not to be the case I will give up on the four components and devote more time to my writing instead.
July 15, 2011: Last night and today and tonight I feel good, not high but relaxed and clear-headed. Also earlier tonight I received a love wave. Also it was full moon earlier this evening.
July 18, 2011: The orgasm I said was June 12 was actually May 13 or 14 but I didn't mention it on this web page until June 12.
I'm hoping and divining that the four post-judged collaborative components are coming on now but if that turns out to not be the case I will give up on them and concentrate on my writing.
July 19, 2011: I had another null orgasm tonight.
August 1, 2011: I am still divining that the four post-judged collaborative components are on but have a progression to go through and that progression seems to be going slowly though I hope it will speed up as the moon waxes (it is now almost 2 days and 9 hours after new moon). Also I just had another factor 10 orgaSM.
October 15, 2011: I now have a top five most attractive to me women (Sarah McLachlan, Tanita Tikaram, Liz Solo, Sinead O'Connor, and Sharon Stone) plus a category six (women tied for sixth spot). Not all of these are celebrities. All of these are supposed to receive assisted (by my eleven main deities) shaktipat and all were supposed to be repeatees but now all of the repeats except Sarah McLachlan's have been rejected.
As I say in Changelog and four components I have had to scale back (make concessions in) my four components (now just three components) some but now hope they have been activated and will evolve over time. If this current activation sequence proves false I will give up on the four components.
January 17, 2012: I have given up on the four components but might try them again if: (a) my deities approach me about them by a spontaneous perineum click that I then divine means the four components will be judged and activated, (b) I come out of the low years, or (c) I enter into a relationship with a woman. But in any of those cases I would try the four components again only once or twice before giving up on them again.
I have also, after requesting healing prayers or spells on newsgroups, entered into a period of few spontaneous perineum clicks and slightly more clear-headedness. I had intended to ignore the few clicks that do occur but I have now decided, in light of item (a) above, that I will first check to see if the spontaneous perineum click is about the four components and then if it is not I will ignore it.
I have decided that my top deity or Deity ALL, since it is all-powerful, is the same as the Catholic God the Father. I have also decided that LOVE is a someone so that my second-ranked deity LOVE2 is the same as LOVE, and I also think it is the personification of ALL's love and that it is the same as the Catholic Holy Spirit. But I don't believe that Jesus was or is an incarnation of ALL (God) and I have eight more deities that I rank higher than Jesus (but lower than ALL and LOVE) so I don't consider myself to be Christian or even a christo-pagan but a Catholic-influenced eclectic neopagan.
At next edit I will try to tidy my main messages subpage and its subpages some.