2005 to July, 2018

This file is a condensation of entries from 2005 to July, 2018 from past versions of the recent changes page.

I had a burst of productivity from March 14 to 17, 2005 but I wasn't high. But also note that the period of productivity of March 14 to late March 17 correlates perhaps coincidentally with druid new moon (the sixth morning after new moon, when Breton druids cut the mistletoe with a sickle) which was March 16. In the past I have hoped my low years would end at druid new moon, but I don't think I am out of the low years yet, but I did have that burst in productivity centred almost exactly on early March 16. Then I hoped my low years would end at March 25, 2005 full moon but that did not occur.

March 21, 2005: Late in more base chakra area muscle click divination/etc I say that Risperdal had virtually removed my (masturbation) orgasm and it came back when I came off Risperdal. Also recently I have had low level check-itis which I view as wordless nagging from my deities.

Also again I do not have significant visions and voices in terms of both strength and regularity. Why do I make that point? If I did I would be classed as schizoaffective and not bipolar type 1 and it would be more likely that I would have to be on not just lithium on a regular basis but also an antipsychotic on a regular basis, rather than my current practice of having an antipsychotic on hand to use only if I feel I need it, as an occasional topup to my main drug lithium. Some periods when I have been on a regular antipsychotic before include haloperidol from Sept. 6, 1991 on for a few weeks, haloperidol from late May 1992 to early July, 1992, olanzapine from I have been saying fall 1999 to early 2003 but checking my back writing I am pretty sure I went on olanzapine fairly early in 1999, and fairly regular haloperidol use in the fall of 2004, and then since from mid-December, 2004 to March 1, 2005 on a series of first Seroquel, then olanzapine, then Risperdal.

Today I met with my psychiatrist and told him everything that has occurred since March 1, including my thought that I would have fewer mental health problems if I was near Sarah McLachlan, but also the initial insomnia and down and unease and tooth grinding followed by a lot of scenario-ization and hair twirling followed by a lot of check-itis (and more hair twirling) which has now lessened some. We then agreed that I would go back on some olanzapine to top up my lithium, my main drug for my bipolar mood disorder, and he gave me a four weeks supply of free samples of 10 mg olanzapine pills. He said rather than try anti-anxiety or anti-OCD pills that we should first try olanzapine. This is I think (but I didn't ask him) is partly because psychiatrists are reluctant to prescribe anti-anxiety pills such as Ativan since they are addictive, and partly since psychiatrists are reluctant to prescribe anti-OCD pills (which are antidepressants) to bipolar people since they may trigger a mania and even may trigger rapid cycling between mania and depression, and partly since I have had a good response to olanzapine in the past, and partly because he does not want me to use too much haloperidol. However I think I can now expect more weight gain while on the olanzapine since it increases the appetite and due to its chemical makeup encourages fluid retention, but I will try to minimize said weight gain by not eating seconds and by exercising more soon, but I do still plan to drink some beer during waning moon (I don't drink during waxing moon since I have had bad experiences with alcohol in the past during waxing moon, notably seven alcohol triggered or alcohol worsened waxing gibbous moon trials from the beginning of 1993 to July of 1997).

As for soul, I will discuss my theories and sensings of it so far eventually on a new subpage of my deities and my other personal spiritual path working theories which I might title "avatars, soul, etc.", and note that I am not pushing that section my deities and my other personal spiritual path working theories but just my essential messages, which are non-religious.

March 23, 2005, nighttime: Above in the March 21 entry I said I have had two (maybe three) significant visions. In addition to the visions described above, I also consider my sun stare experience of Sept. 5, 1991 to be a significant vision, so that totals three or four significant visions, and none since summer 1997.

Friday night, rhe night of April 1, 2005, from 12:15 a.m. to 12:30 a.m. (so early April 2 in 24 hour clock terms) Newoundland Standard Time I perked up to +1 on my scale of -10 to +10, where -2 to +2 is normal range.

A new theory, which I may add to my personal deities and related beliefs soon, is that: If all/everything is a someone it is ALL in exact match. Then if each of our wills as subset of ALL is also subset of ALL's will then each of our wills is in line with ALL's will which means simultaneous free will and submission. But that also means that ALL is responsible for all evil as well as all good.

On my main messages page I say I don't care what anyone believes as long as he or she is loving, or at least tries to be loving (above neutral) as much as possible within the constraints of life. I now recommend that viewpoint to others as well, i.e. that they also should not care what anyone believes as long as he or she is loving, or at least tries to be loving as much as possible within the constraints of life. I will edit my main messages page to reflect that soon.

I took a pack of cod out of the fridge freezer today and noted that the mass was 0.455 kg and the price was $5.51 so those are two more instances of 55. Again that number used to occur regularly for me, didn't for a few months, and now is again. Again 55 in Roman numerals is LV which I take to stand for LOVE. Then (now a bit later) I just dropped my cell phone and when I picked it up to see if it was OK, and it was, the time was 5:55 p.m.

I will also add to my message promoting allowance of birth control soon that those against birth control including against condoms for prevention of HIV Aids are causing many HIV deaths.

April 12, 2005I have said before that I consider the check-itis to be a wordless nagging from one or more than one of my deities. I now withdraw that, I do not know who is nagging me.

May 26, 2005: I am now down to 5 mg olanzapine topping up my main drug for my bipolar mood disorder, lithium. In the last while my mental health has been better than it has been since early 2003 when I was last on olanzapine before recently. I have just had some occasional insomnia on trying to go to sleep and occasional check-itis and I still do a bit of scenario-ization but not very much. But I still don't feel too motivated to get back at the planned edits but would be more likely to if I had some feedback.

Late the afternoon of May 7 I went for a 15 walk along the Waterford River near where I live in St. John's. As I was returning and crossing over the bridge I stopped in the middle of the bridge and sensed with my hands and breathed into the river. I expected I might get a finger warming or hand warming or warming between two fingers sensation. Instead I got a sensation of my balls swelling a bit. This was funny, particularly since this mystic web page is called Salmon on the Thorns. However I don't know (I will have to check) if this river has any salmon in it or when they spawn. More recently on the afternoon of May 25 I went for a walk there again, and as I was crossing the bridge I got a sensation of a stroke from my base chakra forward to the underside of my genitals. That time I was going out from home, not coming home, and I wasn't trying to sense anything.

June 2, 2005: I forgot to mention that during the May 25 walk along the river a bicyclist pointed out to me an osprey. (Also note that the word weird can be wordplayed to weir-D, so a fish trap to catch D, where D is me.)

NOTE: As of June 2, 2005 I am now an atheist again as I was from I think late 1976 to mid-1991. I will edit this page more substantially to reflect this fact later. I am not pushing atheism on anyone else. I will continue to have some mystical/magickal working theories (which I will not push on anyone else, and which I will try to relate to science) but will not have any deities. I continue to push my main messages. Also in being atheist I am not saying that my former deities necessarily do not exist, just that I do not worship them any more. So for example the planet Earth may or may not be a someone and if it is a someone then my former deity Gaia exists but I no longer worship it.

June 4, 2005: Since I turned atheist my check-itis (wordless nagging, or worry, often about my past writing such that I have to check it) has diminished a lot.

But now what? Most of my magick, which I haven't been doing very much of recently, does not necessarily involve worship at all, though some has involved invocation, but I do not consider invocation a form of worship unless the one invoked is already among my deities or the invocation is accompanied by a significant mental bow, significant enough to mean worship, i.e. there is intent to worship. And by invocation I do not mean any saying out loud of a name, though such could, but never has yet for me, accompany the invocation, but a wordless thinking by me of another someone and a wordless poking by me of an invitation to participate at that other someone. This draws on my higher dimensional abilities. The invocation is an invitation from me to another someone to participate and does not confer deity status with respect to me on that other someone unless there is intent to worship on my part. So I could invoke the Christian God tomorrow (not saying whether it exists of not) without it becoming a deity to me, as I have invoked Jesus in the past to charge all Christian crosses through association of the crosses with Jesus without Jesus becoming a deity to me. To some, invocation implies prayer, but it does not to me, unless I bow mentally with intent to worship during the invocation, or unless the one invoked is already among my deities. Perhaps I should invent a new word other than invoke to avoid the confusion, but I thought that magickians regularly invoke someones that are not deities to them.

Now I say I am atheist since I have no deities, and that is one definition of atheist though there is a stronger one that an atheist believes that no deities to anyone exist, and I do not meet that definition. I do not know if if my former deities exist or not but even if they are proven to exist I will not worship them or any other someone. Also I believe in science and rational thought but also that there are things not yet explained by human science and which may never be explained by human science. I still have a fair bit of magical thinking though less than I did six months ago, so I consider myself an atheist mystic. Some may consider me an agnostic (one who does not care if deities exist) but I care a lot, but I will not worship any, I will not submit my will to any other someone to the extent of grovelling, the extent of worship, the extent of passing over complete control. Of course if I had a job with a boss I would on occasion have to take orders from the boss that would not just be advice, so I would have to submit my will to my boss to the extent of following that job related order (or I could quit the job) but not to the extent of worship submission.

June 8, 2005 (night of June 7): Since I turned atheist (I no longer have any deities; even if my former deities exist I do not worship them) on June 2 my mental health has steadied some, especially in a reduction of the check-itis. The check-itis was mostly a worrying by me about my recent writing such that I would have to check it, but I have in the past speculated that it was wordless nagging from one or more than one of my then deities. But anyway, right now I still feel pretty steady. The night of June 2, the day I turned atheist, I was slightly wobbly mentally but ever since then I have been quite steady mentally, including the diminished check-itis.

Today I had an appointment with my psychiatrist at 2 p.m. I told him that in addition to the 1500 mg lithium carbonate and 5 mg olanzapine daily that in the last three weeks I had used a total of 18 mg of haloperidol but had not needed any in the last few days and was steady today. I also told him I had gone atheist, and that apparently as a result my check-itis had diminished. I also told him that it seemed that alcohol (which I drink in moderation during waning moon and not at all during waxing moon due to 7 waxing gibbous moon alcohol triggered or alcohol worsened problem periods from 1993 to 1997) actually diminished the check-itis, but that did not cause me to drink more during the past waning moon than usual.

Some native American mystical traditions do not have a concept of deity or deities, I think.

June 13, 2005: The check-itis returned last night and today, even though I am still atheist (I have no deities). Also there are at times low-level words, which are non-auditory (do not appear to come through my ears but appear in my mind).

June 21, 2005: For the last six days I have been quite steady with very little check-itis but I have been playing some at scenario-ization, which involves base chakra area muscle click divination of e.g. who is reading my writing or e.g. who is talking about me. Often with this I am relaxed and I am not trying to divine anything and I get a click (short period mulabandha, no clicking sound, not much sound at all) and I try to guess who is thinking of me, reading my writing, or talking about me, getting another click at the supposed right answer. But this is just play, I am not near to believing it. And again the check-itis is mostly worry about my past writing such that I have to check it, and I have had very little of that in the last six days. Indeed I feel mentally quite steady but I do not think I am out of the low years which began Jan. 29, 1996 yet.

June 22, 2005: A variant on the above scenario-ization is when I get signs that indicate (I think) that someone is mad at me. These consist of burning eyes (when there is nothing in my eyes) which I think indicate that a man is mad at me, or a throat chakra attack, which I think indicates that a woman is mad at me. I don't believe that for sure but it is a working theory. When I get either the burning eyes or throat chakra attack I then try to divine by base chakra area muscle click divination who is mad at me, or at least where he or she has seen my writing, and sometimes what religion he or she is in. I do not believe the results though. These signs that someone is mad at me have not been occurring as frequently lately as a while ago, I think since I haven't been posting as much to a wide variety of newsgroups.

Note that I have to be in pretty bad shape before my relations with other people offline are affected adversely, but my online writings may show how I am doing inside better than my relations with other people offline. That is, offline I can keep a lot to myself, but I tend to let it out online. But in my very worst episodes of 1991 to 1997 my relations with other people offline were definitely affected. However I have not come close to landing in the hospital since July 1997 and I have not been in the hospital since early July 1996. This I attribute to my being on enough lithium, not drinking during waxing moon since mid-July, 1997, and having on hand some emergency haloperidol to take if needed, and being on olanzapine some of those years.

Now I did have one waning moon mildly psychotic period (unusual for me since most of my psychotic periods have been waxing moon) I think in November or December of 2003, in which I said online there were black magickians in all religions, but it was not triggered by alcohol and when I drank some during it, it was not worsened by alcohol, so I stayed with my practice of not drinking during waxing moon and drinking in moderation (especially now that I am poor) during waning moon. That late 2003 episode was about the worst I have been since July 1997 and is unlikely to recur now that I am taking 5 mg olanzapine on top of my lithium. Also even during it my relations with other people offline were not too bad.

Sometimes however when drunk during waning moon I would blurt out stuff I normally would only say online, such as matchmaking (which I don't do anymore and probably never had accuracy in), but that didn't affect my relations with others offline too much. Also the alcohol wasn't in that case causing any new mental health problems during waning moon but was just loosening my tongue.

July 18, 2006: The past year has been mostly uneventful. I have remained on olanzapine and lithium. For a while I still attempted to get flow in the funnel working but a while ago I gave up on that, and also gave up on even playing at base chakra area muscle click divination. I also resolved to stick to my limit of four pints in a night during waning moon and zero pints during waxing moon. I still occasionally get some check-itis but it is quite mild, and I haven't had any scenario-ization since I gave up even playing at base chakra area muscle click divination. I didn't receive any requests to edit this web page but after a break of a year figured I should start gradually editing it again. Though I feel sharp and capable of working I haven't had any chances at work yet, but that is partly because I haven't sent out any CVs yet, though I have clipped some job ads. But I think my low years are not yet over, though they are made manageable by the lithium and olanzapine.

Sept. 5, 2006: My mental health has been steady lately. Tonight I removed sections on deities and related beliefs (since I am now an atheist) and on the four orientation theory (which I have little evidence for) and some other sections as noted in changelog. I made some minor edits (necessitated by the missing sections) to my main messages but I plan to tidy that section up some more at a later date. I also edited summary of key features of my cycles some but may edit it further at a later date.

Jan. 15, 2008: This is my first entry in over a year but I plan to make more changes in the near future. My mental health has been good in the last year but I am still uncreative so I think I am still in the low years, which should have lasted seven years but are almost at twelve years now (they will be on Jan. 29). I think I have had to go longer since I have had access to modern medications which have made the intensity of the low years less. But I hope the meds don't block my release from the low years. In any case I don't plan to come off the meds (lithium and olanzapine). I feel capable of working these days and indeed am working a few hours a month doing proofreading for a prof. Despite my good mental health I am still claiming similarity to some past religious figures but I may soften such claims a bit in future edits pending my finding more evidence in the library and on the net and pending my release from the low years into a more creative and productive period.

Feb. 14, 2008: In the last while I have given up all magickal activities including even playing at base chakra area muscle click divination, attempting to get flow from the funnel working, attempted healings, blessings on the dead, musical boosting and venue charging, and invocations of dead songwriters to attend performance of their songs, and more (e.g. marriage renewal). Of those only the first had the potential to destabilize me, if I stopped playing and started believing it again, but I used to waste a lot of time at the second one too. The others were fairly harmless but I will still abstain from them at least until I come out of the low years.

I still claim to be similar to some past religious figures but for now am putting this claim on the back burner pending more library and web research by me and pending my coming out of the low years into a period of productivity and creativity. This coming out of the low years I liken to Finn finding the salmon of wisdom, Taliesin reaching seven score muses (lunar months) after his first high, Buddha finding enlightenment, Amergin transforming from ugly to handsome, and Jesus being transfigured. Without this coming out of the low years I don't have enough evidence to back my claim of my similarity to some past religious figures.

October 1, 2008: I edited Jewish parallels to put in the fact that Moses's bush was a thorn bush and thus was a direct parallel to my thorn hill climb and to Jesus's crown of thorns. I also emphasized that the burning in the bush could have been a glowing blue rose like my blue rose vision.

April 10, 2009: Since October 1 (and indeed in the last four years) my mental health has been stable, and I have been working a few hours a week at the university but am still looking for full time work. My creativity is still low so I think I am still not out of the low years even though it has now been over 13 years since Jan. 29, 1996.

July 9, 2010: It is now two days before new moon. Since about three days after full moon I have come off olanzapine but remain on lithium. I did this partly in hope of renewed creativity, thinking olanzapine was blocking my mystic connections and preventing my release from the low years, and partly because for the last year on olanzapine my orgasm has been blocked. In the entry above for March 21, 2005 I describe a similar case when Risperdal blocked my orgasm and it returned when I came off Risperdal. But such a block did not occur for most of the years I was on olanzapine, only recently. What has happened in the orgasm department since I came off olanzapine? Well, on Tuesday evening I had a fair orgasm, the first in a long time, but other than that it has still fizzled (last Saturday, Thursday morning and tonight). So I can say for now that my orgasm has not yet returned and it may take a while yet even though the olanzapine must be out of my system by now. The other possibility is that it isn't the olanzapine blocking my orgasm but some mystic factor such as maybe now I have to get together with a woman in person to have an orgasm rather than just masturbating. And I have had some very good orgasms, expansive and releasing and like outgoing waves of love directed at the woman I'm thinking about. But if two people could get together and both experience such an orgasm, that would be the ultimate. Such an orgasm is similar to what I have called a shakti buzz or kundalini buzz only more expansive and releasing. Probably in tantric lore there is some stuff on that. And normally I don't spend my time thinking about orgasms so much, it is just that they have been missing for a while and I expected them back but they haven't come back yet and that's a puzzle to me.

What else has happened since I came off olanzapine? My focus and concentration has decreased some and I feel looser and more absent minded and have to be more careful in traffic, to pay attention. I am also procrastinating a bit more. But the problems I had in late 2004 and early 2005, that led to my going on olanzapine again, have not returned. The lower concentration level may mean though I have to work harder in my part time proofreading job; the last time I was off olanzapine my academic performance suffered. But for now I plan to stay off olanzapine and I will discuss that with my psychiatrist on July 14.

Earlier this week though something occurred which might be a mild delusion (or illusion). I felt for a couple of days that I had an enhanced nonverbal long distance connection with Sarah McLachlan (who I interacted with some in 1995 though we never properly met, and who I think read some of my online writing of 1994 and 1995 on the FTE list). This enhanced connection seemed to end Thursday morning but I think there is still some level of connection between us. I know from signs in 1995 that she was interested in me then and I am hoping that now she is single again she will have renewed interest in me. But for that to occur I will have to demonstrate consistent stability and creativity, which might be hard if I am less stable and less creative away from her. However I think probably I can come out of the low years without her intervention, though in the movie Little Buddha the intervention of the village woman seemed to bring the Buddha out of his wilderness years.

Do I still claim to be similar to past figures? Yes, but I acknowledge more research is needed and I have yet to prove myself, and I won't obsess about it. Am I still an atheist? No, I now have ten deities: ALL, LOVE2, Cosma, Galacta, Sola, Gaia, Luna, Human, Samadhi someone, and the one who turned the wind around. I'll do a new deities section soon. Also I may rename LOVE2 to LOVE if I can see that LOVE is a someone. Also I should pick names for the last two though it could be they are repeats from the earlier ones. Also I will eventually do a ten verse poem with one verse to each deity. But I don't spend a huge amount of time praying or invoking. I guess right now I can be classed as a neopagan not associated with any group and not recruiting. Also as of recently I have given up on getting flow from the funnel working and resolved to avoid base chakra area muscle click divination which led me into bad delusions in 1996 and 1997 and milder ones (such as matchmaking) later.

July 22, 2010: Earlier this week I went through a period of attempting magickally (by will) to start a global new age. This lasted from Sunday afternoon to Tuesday morning and included my being up all night Sunday night. So beginning Monday night, this, along with my realization that the olanzapine wasn't what was taking away my orgasm, caused me to start taking olanzapine again (plus I stayed on the lithium). I have slept well the last three nights plus have a reduced level of magical thinking. I will stay on the olanzapine at least until full moon and probably longer, Also I apologize to Sarah and other readers for the sex talk and I hope she doesn't consider me an e-stalker but just her long term fool.

July 23, 2010: I have decided to stay on the olanzapine beyond July 25 full moon. Right now I still have some level of magical thinking but I don't believe it is working so I think my major planetary new age changes workings are not activated and probably won't be activated at July 25 full moon. But at least I tried and it is not much different from a prayer that required a lot of complicated work on my part.

Also I have slept fine the last four nights and expect to again tonight, and it is true that my worst problems in the past have been during waxing gibbous moon so I expect to feel even better at July 25 full moon. But I still will stay on olanzapine beyond full moon.

The material below is transferred over from recent changes on Feb. 18, 2013 but I have not yet condensed it.

Dec. 18, 2010: These days I am no longer an atheist but have eleven main deities and some minor deities including some species someones.

I remain on olanzapine and lithium and have no plans to come off either.

Olanzapine-related weight gain has levelled off. My current weight is 198 lb so not too bad for 6' 1" and 46 years old but a good bit is on my belly and I would like to lose 20 lb and convert 10 lb to muscle.

My orgasms have been mostly null ones but I no longer blame olanzapine. Last night I had a factor 1 orgasm, or minimum acceptable, so perhaps it is returning. The null orgasm has lasted about a year so far I think.

Lately I've been trying to get four collaborative components judged by my main deities and activated (what is passed) by them. The four components are barebones, popthrough, funnel and repeats. However on the night of Dec. 5 I resolved to give this a rest for a month though I might be tempted to try something leading up to early Dec. 21 full moon lunar eclipse solstice.

I think in The Tain there is a bit about the dreams of the women of Erin, and my recent attempt to get repeats activated of the prayers, magickal workings, wishes and pure willings of a bunch of others may be related to that. The bunch of others are the nine plus category-5. My top four women are in the nine along with four other women and Ban Ki-moon. Category-5 are women who tie for the fifth spot, mostly factor 10 orgasms. But I no longer think I am available only to the top four and category-5.

May 4, 2011: My mental health including sleep, mood, energy and delusion level have been good in the last few months. I have still been spending an average of an hour a day trying to get my four components, which I will describe on here at my next edit but not tonight, judged by my eleven main deities and then activated by them and others, and on related Usenet newsgroup posts. I am currently divining by base chakra area muscle click divination that the four post-judged collaborative components are on but I won't believe that without evidence.

I'm still suffering from null masturbation orgasm and have for at least a year other than one factor 4 orgasm last July. I'm hoping the orgasm will return when I get together with a partner

June 12, 2011: recently I had a factor six orgasm when I wished that the orgasm contribute to the activation of the four components (so it was an act of sex magick). However this remains an isolated orgasm and since then I have again experienced null orgasms.

I said above that I would describe the four components in this next edit but I won't bother until they come on if ever. I am currently divining that the four components were judged by my eleven main deities and that the funnel component and repeats component have been activated and the popthrough component is being activated and then hopefully the barebones component will be activated. But if this activation sequence turns out to be another fake one I will give up on the four components and may give up on perineum click divination. Also I have already given up on funneling since the funnel component has been activated (and even if that is not true I think there would be no more use in funneling). But if I give up on my attempt to bring about an Opening of the Way through magickal workings I will have to instead devote more time to improving my writing and some more time to library and web research into past figures.

I have removed pastposts.html from this web page, mainly because my Usenet newsgroup posts are often experimental and short term. What lasts of my newsgroup posts will make it on to this web page eventually. But it is true that my being eccentric on newsgroup posts is a vent that helps keep me less eccentric offline, a vent that I didn't have for most of 1996, my worst year.

July 14, 2011: last night I had a factor 5 orgasm which, unlike the June 12 one mentioned above, did not involve any wish on my orgasm (sex magick). Then tonight I had a factor 10 orgasm, and this marks the first time in a year and a half that I have had two orgasms in a row (the one of last July and the one of June 12 were isolated ones surrounded by null orgasms). So I hope that my orgasm has returned for good this time. Note that I have not made any adjustments in my medication, I remain on 10 mg olanzapine and 1200 mg lithium carbonate daily.

I have decided to put a description of the four components (my magickal attempt, invoking my eleven main deities, to cause an Opening of the Way) on the new subpage the four components. If you like any of that material feel free to do a magickal working (willing/push) or prayer (to whoever you normally pray to) supporting the material that you like. Supposedly the four components have been judged by my eleven main deities and they are slowly implementing what passed judgement. But if this turns out not to be the case I will give up on the four components and devote more time to my writing instead.

July 15, 2011: Last night and today and tonight I feel good, not high but relaxed and clear-headed. Also earlier tonight I received a love wave. Also it was full moon earlier this evening.

July 18, 2011: The orgasm I said was June 12 was actually May 13 or 14 but I didn't mention it on this web page until June 12.

I'm hoping and divining that the four post-judged collaborative components are coming on now but if that turns out to not be the case I will give up on them and concentrate on my writing.

July 19, 2011: I had another null orgasm tonight.

August 1, 2011: I am still divining that the four post-judged collaborative components are on but have a progression to go through and that progression seems to be going slowly though I hope it will speed up as the moon waxes (it is now almost 2 days and 9 hours after new moon). Also I just had another factor 10 orgaSM.

October 15, 2011: I now have a top five most attractive to me women (Sarah McLachlan, Tanita Tikaram, Liz Solo, Sinead O'Connor, and Sharon Stone) plus a category six (women tied for sixth spot). Not all of these are celebrities. All of these are supposed to receive assisted (by my eleven main deities) shaktipat and all were supposed to be repeatees but now all of the repeats except Sarah McLachlan's have been rejected.

As I say in Changelog and four components I have had to scale back (make concessions in) my four components (now just three components) some but now hope they have been activated and will evolve over time. If this current activation sequence proves false I will give up on the four components.

January 17, 2012: I have given up on the four components but might try them again if: (a) my deities approach me about them by a spontaneous perineum click that I then divine means the four components will be judged and activated, (b) I come out of the low years, or (c) I enter into a relationship with a woman. But in any of those cases I would try the four components again only once or twice before giving up on them again.

I have also, after requesting healing prayers or spells on newsgroups, entered into a period of few spontaneous perineum clicks and slightly more clear-headedness. I had intended to ignore the few clicks that do occur but I have now decided, in light of item (a) above, that I will first check to see if the spontaneous perineum click is about the four components and then if it is not I will ignore it.

I have decided that my top deity or Deity ALL, since it is all-powerful, is the same as the Catholic God the Father. I have also decided that LOVE is a someone so that my second-ranked deity LOVE2 is the same as LOVE, and I also think it is the personification of ALL's love and that it is the same as the Catholic Holy Spirit. But I don't believe that Jesus was or is an incarnation of ALL (God) and I have eight more deities that I rank higher than Jesus (but lower than ALL and LOVE) so I don't consider myself to be Christian or even a christo-pagan but a Catholic-influenced eclectic neopagan.

At next edit I will try to tidy my main messages subpage and its subpages some.

March 16, 2012: I have been trying to get activation of the four components again and have had to make numerous concessions such that there are only two components left: popthrough and barebones. Also my region is reduced, popthrough only goes back as far as Krishna, and several of the barebones subcomponents have been rejected. I describe this in more detail in four components. At this rate soon there will be nothing left and I will have to give up on it.

I removed some of the Christian references in my eleven main deities but Jesus is still one of my eleven main deities.

I still haven't tried to tidy my main messages subpage and its subpages some but that is still something I plan to do.

My energy, mood and sleep have all been fine lately and my delusion level I think has not been bad. I won't believe the two components are working without evidence in the news.

April 6, 2012: I have had to drop the vegie/native balance and the popthroughs and the assisted shaktipat so all that remains of the four components is healing circle prescriptions to be issued by my eleven main deities to all humans, cetaceans, and simians in the region that lies between the thermosphere exosphere boundary and the depth below sea level that the bottom of the Mariana Trench is at, and with change access (only for my eleven main deities) and read access governed by the main stack of levels of access. Note that I am covered at full strength, strength 12, but since I have no followers all others are covered just at strength 3.

April 10, 2012: the main stack judges were reduced from my eleven main deities to just my top eight main deities, and I added the popthroughs and assisted shaktipat back in.

April 24, 2012: Since the last entry I have added the vegie/native balance back in. At first as part of the vegie/native balance I had a strong bias against any human, cetacean, or simian killing another human, cetacean, or simian. But most recently I have had to remove the word "strong" but the bias will still be stronger than the current state of affairs. Also I said that the main stack does not overwrite past openings of the way, they feed in to the main stack and those including Krishna and later will popthrough but earlier ones will not. But I neglected to say how far back it goes. Now I think that any opening of the way that is on and whose vegie/native balance includes at least one DNA-based organism is included. So the latest changes since I stopped posting about this to newsgroups are that last sentence and the removal of the word "strong" above. With those in mind the popthroughs are now supposedly in progress.

April 30, 2012: The last attempt was another fake activation sequence. I am trying again and this time nothing needs to be dropped or adjusted from last time. But I needed to add back in some things including the Sarah McLachlan repeat (so there are now again three components), the distribution of access to my batch of healing components, and the multichakra polychromatic voice blessing on Sarah McLachlan. Also all of the human eleven now have level 0 access in the areas of both the healing circle prescriptions and the vegie/native balance. Also Sarah has level 0 access in the area of her repeat.

May 6, 2012: I made an update to the four components to reflect the fact that I have added the funnel component, the evolution subcomponent, and the distribution of access to links to missing someones back in. So there are once again four components. This is my last attempt at getting the four components activated --- if it works I won't need to try again and if it doesn't work (which I should know in a few days) I will give up on the four components and focus on my writing. Right now I expect that it won't work so I will be pleasantly surprised if it does work. Also note that Sarah McLachlan will have level 0 component in the area of evolution but the rest of the human eleven will just have level 1.

May 10, 2012: After my last attempt to get the four components activated by my top eight deities failed, today I gave up on the four components. I will no longer try to get them activated. I guess there is a long shot that my top eight deities will activate them on their own without my requesting it or tracking it, but I doubt that will occur. But I have put a lot of time into the four components and I am not sure what I will do next. I know above I said I would focus on my writing and perhaps I will do that but I'm not inclined to do much tonight. I probably will devote a bit more time towards finding a job, though.

June 5, 2012: The keywords I listed on the main Salmon page over two weeks ago still haven't been picked up by the Google web crawler.

Last night I thought I had some good vibes from Tanita Tikaram and I had a factor 30 orgasm thinking of her, which is the best I've had since 1995 and which ties for the top one I've had thinking of just one woman. A little later I (thought I) had a wave from Tanita. Also now instead of a top four or top five I have a top six: Sarah McLachlan, Tanita Tikaram, Liz Solo, Sinead O'Connor, Nelly Furtado, and Sharon Stone. I also have many women in category seven (tied for seventh spot). I don't know if all these women are indeed bisexual by nature and have had some orgasms. (By bisexual by nature I mean attracted to both genders but may be bisexual by lifestyle, straight by lifestyle, lesbian by lifestyle, or celibate by lifestyle.)

My mental health has been good since I gave up on the four components --- I am more relaxed and have less on my mind.

As for my job search, I have gotten a few copies of my CV out in the last few weeks but haven't had any interviews yet.

I still plan to edit this Salmon on the Thorns web page some to improve the writing and to add more research into past figures similar to me and similar to women who have influenced me.

June 25, 2012: A while ago I gave up on the four components including the popthroughs. Today I gave up on perineum click divination, including that I will ignore spontaneous clicks. Such click divination led me into psychosis in 1996 and though recently I had been just playing at it and not believing the results, I thought I should abandon it. But that means I no longer have a supposed method for communicating with my deities. However it should free up some time, perhaps including some for editing past writing and creating new writing.

November 5, 2012: 23 days ago I gave up on perineum click divination again and this time I have managed to continue to abstain from it so far, and expect I will in future. Today I also added Gwion (Gwion Bach, Taliesin) to my list of main deities to me. So now I have two former humans as main deities to me (Gwion and Jesus). In the future I may make other past figures (e.g. Krishna and Buddha) minor deities to me.

November 11, 2012: to avoid possible confusion I renamed some of my deities listed on my main deities. This was to make it clear that I do not worship anthropomorphic deities; even Gwion and Jesus I do not visualize as being in human form any more, or as having gender. It was also to avoid possible conflicts between my deity definitions and ancient associations with the same names (e.g. Gaia and Luna). So by saying I worship Earth (instead of the former name Gaia) I am making it clear that I worship the conscious planet Earth, not any humanoid form associated with the Earth.

Feb. 9, 2013: For a few weeks I was attempting (for about an hour a day) to get the assisted shaktipat activated and was doing related perineum click divination again. But I gave up on the assisted shaktipat just after the most recent full moon. I'm still doing a little perineum click divination but am not believing it, so perhaps I will give up on it entirely soon.

I am seeing a new psychiatrist and due to effects of lithium on my kidneys he will probably switch me from lithium to Epival or Abilify on Feb. 20, but I will remain on the olanzapine for now. I am going to lobby for the Epival but if that doesn't work out I would then go on the Abilify, and then might even come off olanzapine. But if the Epival does work out I would stay on the olanzapine. (Epival is a mood stabilizer and Abilify is another atypical antipsychotic like olanzapine, and I am concerned it might cause a worsening of my tardive oromandibular dystonia.)

Feb. 18, 2013: In the last while I've had fewer than usual spontaneous perineum clicks. My mental health including sleep, mood, energy, and tendency to delusion has been good. I will see the new psychiatrist in two days time.

Feb. 21, 2013: I saw the new psychiatrist yesterday and he has started me on Epival but won't start to taper me off lithium until my valproic acid blood level reaches a good range. I will see him again on March 13, which would be the earliest I would start to come off lithium.

Tonight I edited summary of key features of my cycles. Over the next few days I plan to edit the my main messages section.

March 1, 2013: The side effects of Epival have included slightly increased drowsiness, slightly more saliva, a little less irritable, a little less appetite, some reduction in perineum clicks, slightly worse tardive oromandibular dystonia, occasional late warning of a need to pee, some damping of orgasm (to about half what I expected). I hope that those last three will disappear when I come off lithium. I also hope I don't have the side effects of weight gain and hair loss. Tonight I edited the messages section as listed in the Changelog.

April 11, 2013: Beginning on March 27 I dropped to 600 mg lithium carbonate and went up to 1000 mg Epival (divalproex sodium). On March 29 I had a very mild down. Since then I have noted a decrease in spontaneous perineum clicks and in mystic stuff in general. I also feel physically a bit better. Also friends have told me that I seem more present and more talkative (but not excessively so). Yesterday I met with my psychiatrist and he said my valproic acid blood level was 342, a little below the 350 needed to be in therapeutic range. Because of that and because he will be away the week leading up to May 6 he decided not to reduce the lithium further just yet. But he didn't increase the Epival beyond 1000 mg/day but ordered another blood level for April 17. If that is still below 350 he will probably increase the Epival on May 8. Also note that the last two weeks have been waning moon and I will see in the next two weeks how I do in waxing moon on the reduced lithium.

June 6, 2013 (night of June 5): Last week I had a mild down but this week I am fine. Today I met with my psychiatrist and found that my last valproic acid blood level was in therapeutic range and that I can stop taking the lithium as of tonight.

June 22, 2013: I have been doing well off the lithium the last couple of weeks, with little in the way of spontaneous perineum clicks or other mystic thoughts. I have had at times a very mild down, but in normal range, but I will have to watch that for a trend since divalproex sodium doesn't handle the low side as well as lithium. Sometimes I have noted that when I oversleep I feel worse so I am going to limit my sleep to no more than 10 hours (usually less) and try for a regular wake time.

July 5, 2013: I have not had any more of the mild downs in the last two weeks. My sleep has been a little more regular though I still tend to stay out very late on Saturday nights so I may start trying to have a nap Saturday evening so I can still get up close to my usual time on Sundays. I still think I am doing physically and mentally better on the Epival (divalproex sodium) and olanzapine than I was on the lithium and olanzapine. But I still have a problem with (I think) tardive oromandibular dystonia, which I will discuss with a neurologist early on the morning of July 26.

August 6, 2013: The appointment with the neurologist was inconclusive, though he agreed with me that I probably have tardive oromandibular dystonia. In his report to my GP he said that it may be due to occasional haloperidol use up until 2004, but it could be due to lithium or olanzapine. He also said it wasn't his area of expertise and he recommended that I be referred to a different neurologist (who I saw before 7 years ago) who it might take a long while to get an appointment with.

I have given up perineum click divination. Thus I will not initiate any perineum click divination and I will also ignore any spontaneous clicks. I know I have done this before but I am determined to make it stick this time. Blindly believing such divination led me into severe problems in 1996 and 1997. Recently I have mainly been playing at it and not believing it, and I have not gotten any useful or lasting results, so I have decided to abandon it.

September 10, 2013: I hoped that I would come out of the low years at the 19th anniversary of my last waning crescent high or the 22nd (two sunspot cycles) anniversary of my first waning crescent high but that did not occur. I am currently hoping that I will come out of the low years (which basically will mean new creativity since otherwise on my current medication regimen I am doing well these days) at the next druid new moon (six days after new moon) which will be Wednesday September 11.

I did share some of my messages and some of my four orientation theory on Facebook which I had been resolved not to do, and which means more of my local friends know I am a bit eccentric online at times. But as I mention above, I am doing quite well these days on olanzapine and divalproex sodium, I think even better than I was on olanzapine and lithium carbonate. Other than some pushing/praying to come out of the low years (which aren't very low right now) I haven't done much in the way of mystical/religious activity. And as for my Usenet newsgroup posts (and the little I shared on Facebook) it has mostly been repeats of old material.

I have edited preliminary remarks to soften my comparison to Jesus slightly and add some other notes.

Sept. 26, 2013: I didn't come out of the low years on Sept. 11. However my mental health including mood, energy, and sleep have all been good since I last posted here. I am reasonably content with my current mental state, and am giving up praying/pushing to come out of the low years, though if I do come out of the low years into a period of productive creativity that will be a bonus. But if that occurs I will not come off my medications. Also we are supposed to be at a solar sunspot cycle high right now but solar activity is unusually low, so perhaps when it comes up again I will come out of the low years.

October 31, 2013: My mental health has been good since I last posted, but I have had a tendency to sleep in when I can. Also two days ago, supposedly to facilitate my coming out of the low years (which aren't very low right now) soon, I promised to my eight main deities that after I come out of the low years I will research druidry, traditional witchcraft, and shamanism. Hopefully by then my offline reading motivation, concentration, and speed will have returned back to normal for me. Also I am hoping I will come out of the low years at Hallowe'en/Samhain or shortly afterward, perhaps at new moon or early waxing crescent. Also my latest eGFR was 38 so there hasn't been any improvement in my kidneys since I came off lithium but at least they aren't getting any worse.

March 22, 2014: My last two eGFR readings have been 34 so my kidney function has declined a little more. Tonight I will edit Christian parallels and Jewish parallels to add a new interpretation of the horn of oil, that the curved cone/tunneling I observed during my sun stare, with its wide mouth towards me, might have been the divine horn of oil, rather than the waning crescent moon being that.

July 31, 2014: I thought I would come out of the low years (which aren't very low except in terms of creativity on my current medication regimen) by the summer solstice or the first quarter moon after that but that did not occur. I thus considered going atheist again or reducing the number of my deities but I have decided against that for now. But these days my religious/magickal activities such as prayer and perineum click divination are reduced a good deal. I now hope that I will come out of the low years in November when my main human inspirer, Sarah McLachlan, will be in town for a concert at new moon, which has often been a strong time for me. However I don't plan to bother her but if she approaches me again I will make sure to respond this time.

September 5, 2014: Yesterday others told me that my right eye was partly closed and I confirmed that in a mirror. This drooping of the upper eyelid is known as ptosis and can have a variety of causes. I will see my family doctor about this early next week and she may want to refer me to a neurologist and/or ophthalmologist, plus she may want me to move my October 1 appointment with my psychiatrist to an earlier date. The rest of the right side of my face and the right side of my body are not affected. Also the eye is not closed enough to affect my vision.

September 9, 2014: My eye was back to normal by Sunday afternoon, so I haven't bothered to make an appointment with my family doctor, but will discuss it with her at my next visit (which will be to also discuss the results of some unrelated blood tests and an EKG within the next few weeks) and will discuss it with my psychiatrist on October 1. It could be that I somehow strained my eyelid muscle by staring at a computer screen for several hours Wednesday night. However I am not ruling out a neurological cause.

September 30, 2014 (the night of Sept. 29): Tonight I have supposedly been going through activation of the four components with some edits (but not in the file yet), including some cetacean assisted shaktipat recipients and a few more human recipients. But I am skeptical and think this is probably another fake activation sequence. If it is real, I and the assisted shaktipat recipients will come out of the low years (receive the salmon of wisdom, enter into a period of sustained productive creativity) at the end of the activation sequence, probably around 4 a.m. Newfoundland Daylight Time (11:30 p.m. Sept. 29 Pacific Daylight Time). Note that it is now druid new moon (six days after new moon).

October 3, 2014: It was another fake activation sequence.

October 29, 2014: Another activation sequence is in progress now after over eleven days of judging, and is in line to be fully activated by Samhain if it isn't another fake activation sequence. There are a number of changes not yet in the four components page including I have added some atheist academic, atheist bestselling author, and atheist politician assisted shaktipat recipients. But I expect that this is probably another fake activation sequence and I am not spending too much time or too late nights on it.

March 12, 2015: It was another fake activation sequence. I now am hoping that I will come out of the low years (which aren't too low on my current medication regimen) into a period of sustained productive creativity at or not long after March 20 new moon, which I associate with the Haida Raven. Note that March 20 is a super new moon, spring equinox, total eclipse of the sun (syzygy), plus there will be extreme tides. And note that I referred to syzygy and to "Nevermore" (which I associate with The Raven, which I associate with new moon) in my Wild Rover/Raven Poe-M which is in poem and song fragments. However my prediction record has been poor since my successful prediction of my late August to early September, 1994 waning crescent high.

March 27, 2015: I didn't come out of the low years at new moon. I now hope that I will come out of the low years at April 4 full moon, which is a partial lunar eclipse, and hence another syzygy, and which I associate with the line from Wild Rover that goes "the landlady's eyes opened wide with delight," where the eyes are the sun and the full moon. But again my prediction record has been poor, and my low years aren't very low while I am on olanzapine and divalproex sodium. However if I don't come out of the low years by April 4 I will consider turning atheist again; for now I won't. (Also note that the pair of the March 20 solar eclipse and the April 4 lunar eclipse could match biblical predictions of the sun turning dark and the moon turning red.)

April 6, 2015: I didn't come out of the low years at full moon. However I am doing reasonably well. But I have decided not to turn atheist just yet, mainly since I have had some powerful mystic experiences in the past.

My boss has invited me to resume my Ph.D. studies in September so I applied for admission this past Wednesday. I haven't decided yet whether I will register though, but it is more likely if I have funding and if I don't have to do any more courses or repeat my candidacy exam, which I passed in early 2004. I probably will have to do a new proposal and proposal defense, but even with that I might be able to finish up my thesis in two years.

June 4, 2015: I have been accepted to the Ph.D. and I won't have to do any more courses or repeat my candidacy exam, and I have been granted a full fellowship.

My mental health has continued to be good, but I am probably ten pounds heavier than I was a year ago so I plan to start doing more walking and eventually some jogging soon.

July 29, 2015: My mental health remains good. Also I weighed myself recently on a new digital scales and my weight (which was up a bit when I was taking 50 mg a day of thiamine) is back down to around 200 lb, which on my 6' 2" frame means I have a BMI of 25.7 which is just slightly higher than normal. I haven't registered yet for the Ph.D. but plan to within the next week or so, a month before the fall term begins on Sept. 9.

August 19, 2015: I registered online for the Ph.D. on August 10. Also I am trying once more to get the four components activated by my eight main deities. This will be my last attempt to begin while I am in the low years though if it fails I would plan to try one more time after I come out of the low years (which aren't very low while I am on medication).

October 3, 2015: For eleven days ending on the night of Sept. 7 I tried being just on the divalproex sodium and not on the olanzapine. During that period I remained fairly stable, but I did experience a slight decrease in concentration and a slight increase in anxiety, and some insomnia on trying to fall asleep. Though these could have been withdrawal effects which might have gone away over time, I decided that they could negatively affect my studies so I went back on the olanzapine the night of Sept. 7. So far my studies have gone well though I haven't yet narrowed down my Ph.D. topic. I think that keeping busy (which would be true for work as well as school) has kept my mind occupied and kept me remarkably stable recently.

April 12, 2016: On March 30 I passed my Ph.D. thesis proposal defence and the stress did not cause any adverse mental health symptoms. Then on April 5 I met with my psychiatrist and we discussed possibly reducing my medication but decided to leave it as is for now, at 10 mg olanzapine and 1250 mg divalproex sodium nightly (I was hoping to go down to 5 mg olanzapine and 1000 mg divalproex sodium). Since mid-December I have gained about ten pounds and I hope that as I do more walking as the weather improves that I will lose that ten pounds. Tonight I removed the subpages on the four components and on the four orientation theory, both of which I have given up on. I have also given up even playing at perineum click divination. I have also stopped worrying very much about coming out of the low years, which aren’t too low except in terms of creativity while I am on my current medication regimen. I haven’t given up on my eight main deities but the amount I pray has been reduced a lot since I am no longer lobbying for release from the low years and am no longer lobbying for activation of the four components. Also I haven’t given up on my theory that I am similar to some past major pagan and non-pagan religious figures, and hope to do some related library and web research in the near future.

April 26, 2017. The last year has been uneventful. Since December I have been down to 7.5 mg olanzapine and 1000 mg divalproex sodium nightly with no ill effects. The Ph.D. has been going well, I and coauthors have one paper published, one in press, and one recently submitted. After I research and write one more paper I can compile all four into a thesis. I plan to defend my thesis by next March. This is just a quick update, but I may do more substantial revisions to this page soon.

March 29, 2018: The last year has been uneventful. My medication is still at 7.5 mg olanzapine and 1250 mg (my blood level was slightly too low on 1000 mg) divalproex sodium nightly. Due to the medications and winter lack of activity I have gained a little weight but expect it to come off in the summer. Due to the divalproex sodium I have had a little hair loss and perhaps will discuss switching to Lamictal with my psychiatrist after my thesis defence. Despite statements above to the contrary, I still play at perineum click divination. Also while my mental health is good, I don't think I am out of the low years (and into a period of clarity/creativity/awakening/enlightenment) yet, and since it is now the low years of the sunspot cycle I don't expect to come out of the low years for at least another three years, though I could be pleasantly surprised. I still make occasional attempts to get at least some of my four components material activated, but I doubt I will until I come out of the low years, if then, and I no longer stay up all night supposedly tracking by perineum click divination the supposed progress of a supposed activation sequence.

The Ph.D. has been going well, I and coauthors have two papers published, one submitted a few months ago, one submitted a little over a week ago, and one to be submitted in four days time. I compiled all five papers into a thesis which I submitted for examination at the end of January. I had hoped to have my final oral defence by the end of March but due to certain administrative delays and to the room and technology (for the external examiner to attend by video link) being booked up, it won't be until April 19. That leaves me more time to prepare for the defence but less time to make any required corrections after the defence in order to be eligible for Convocation at the end of May (I think in order to get my name on the program I have to submit my thesis to the library by around May 10). Also my supervisor leaves for Europe on April 25 so if he has to sign off on the corrections that might have to be done by email. Currently I am not very stressed about the defence but expect I will be more so as the date approaches, but I don't expect any associated mental health problems while I am on my current medication regimen.

I will update this again after my defence and will then condense and move early entries of this recent.html page to a new entry of sbio.html, since those early entries are no longer recent. Also after I get my thesis in the library I plan to take the summer mostly off and will have more time for editing this Salmon on the Thorns page. I also will have to update my CV on my homepage and my LinkedIn profile to reflect the fact that I have obtained the Ph.D. and to list the five papers that are in my thesis plus one other one I am working on. And in the long term there is a chance that I will get a postdoctoral fellowship, or a job as a geophysicist in Calgary, but if I come out of the low years I may devote myself to more creative pursuits if I can afford to.

April 8, 2018: I added the following quote from Taliesin's First Address from The Book of Taliesin to the Celtic paganism parallels page:

There are three fountains
In the mountain of roses,
There is a Caer of defence
Under the ocean's wave.
Illusive greeter,
What is the porter's name?

I think this might mean that Taliesin (Gwion) like me had a blue rose vision.

After some thought I have come to the conclusion that despite all the biographical signs, I am unlikely to be recognized as an avatar type until I achieve something remarkable. I had hoped that that something remarkable would be my four components (new age onset magickal workings) and indeed recently went through another supposed activation sequence, but I haven't noticed any effects personally or in the news. And I am at the moment unable to divine whether or not it is a fake activation sequence (for a while I divined that it was not a fake activation sequence but currently I am unable to get an answer by perineum click divination). But it could be that I will have to effect change through my writing, backed by the signs, without any magickal workings. However it could be that the magickal workings will have an effect after I come out of the low years. Or it could be that the magickal workings are having a subtle effect, enough to gradually effect change.

This will be my last update until after my final Ph.D. oral defence on April 19.

April 19, 2018: Though it was a rough 2.5 hours, this afternoon I passed my final Ph.D. oral defence. Next I will have to make some corrections to my thesis, then submit the thesis to the university library, then attend Convocation on May 30.

Lately I have often had s sensation of cold fire in my feet, so a chill but also a flow or flickering or tingling. However I think my feet haven't been very cold to the touch so that it may just be in my mind, i.e. it may be a neurological effect. The onset did correlate with the supposed activation of the cetacean popthroughs, but it has lasted on and off since then. At the moment it has lessened somewhat so perhaps it was stress related. However such a chill in the feet can be a sign of many medical conditions so if it continues I will set up an appointment with my family doctor next week and she may choose to refer me to a neurologist. Some conditions that are in my family are multiple sclerosis, Parkinson's disease, and Lupus-related Raynaud's syndrome; actually cold feet can also be a sign of diabetes, kidney problems (and I do have somewhat weak kidneys due to past lithium use), thyroid problems, heart problems, and blood circulation problems. But I hope it is just Earth chi sensitivity in the feet; I have had similar sensations (also warming at times) in my hands over the years but not in the feet, though my feet were pierced by the thorns just as much as my hands.

I am still divining by perineum click divination that a recent four components activation sequence is not a fake, but I have little evidence for that yet, and don't believe it.

July 10, 2018: I submitted my thesis to the library on May 3 and was admitted to the Ph.D. degree by the Chancellor on the evening of May 30. Since then I have been going in to the university about two days a week to work on two more papers (beyond the five in my thesis) with co-authors, but I am no longer being paid. I plan to apply for postdoctoral fellowships in the fall but those would not start until 2019 and might require me to move away.

After several more fake four components activation sequences I have renounced my deities (I no longer worship any deities) and have given up on the four components. Shortly before I did that I had replaced my Deity ALL by God, who I defined as the all-governing someone (so if all/everything was a someone then God was the same as ALL). I'm technically not an atheist since i believe that my former deities exist, but I no longer worship them.

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